Stranger Danger

Every time I leave the house people react to my very obvious condition. I’ve finally gotten used to strangers smiling at me and I guess it’s sad that this should take getting used to. But some of these people really beam at me and it's startling.

Then there’s the others……with the comments. I wasn’t inside Home Depot but five minutes today before an older woman approached me, patted my arm in a gesture of sympathy, and said (in a half whisper) “You look miserable”. Then beamed her stranger smile at me, of course.

“Oh no! Um, I’m actually doing okay today,” I told her.

I know she was just commiserating. She truly didn’t mean any harm, but sheesh. I get these little comments everyday now. So, without further ado, let me introduce some rules in regards to approaching your local pregnant lady.


• Do NOT tell the pregnant lady she looks tired, miserable, or anything of the sort. Because all the pregnant lady hears is “You look like sh*t. Why are you even out in public?”
• Do not tell her how big she is. Chances are she’s well aware of her size. Her back reminds her, you need not.
• Do not ask if she’s carrying twins (especially if you know damn well that she isn't).
• Do not assume you’re a comic genius by asking if she’s carrying her HUSBAND in there!
• Do not ask if she’s delivering next week, the next day or in the next ten minutes.
• And when she politely answers your questions concerning when she is in fact due, do NOT shake your head and say “Oh, well, you’re not gonna make it”.

Touch my belly all you want!
Smile at me all you want!
But, for the love of God, please leave the subject of my fat ass alone.