Happy-Shmappy Pregnancy Test Commercials

Just once in my life I would’ve liked to have taken a pregnancy test and not have it’s positive results followed by “oh sh*t” and sobbing.

Just once.

EPT and/or First Response commercials are thoroughly irritating. The “yay-we’re-pregnant-this-is-what-we’ve-always-wanted-god-bless-us-everyone” commercials. Ask most any regular woman and that was NOT their reaction to a positive pregnancy test. I have absolutely no statistics on this, yet I’m going to bet you a gazillion dollars that the majority of pregnancies on this here planet earth are of the unplanned variety.

A friend of mine tried fervently for 5 years to have children. Her struggle brought her miscarriage after miscarriage, disappointment and heartache. I became pregnant before she did and I felt so guilty. Here she was trying so very hard, she and her husband were seriously considering spending tens of thousands on fertility options, they had a house full of storage bins with baby clothes, shoes and toys she’d bought over the years……..and there I was with a “whoops” baby, and nothing else.

Very gently I relayed to her a fact that resonates as absolute truth in my soul. Children do not happen on YOUR time, they happen on God’s time. Or the cosmos time. Whichever way you like to think of it.

My friend finally conceived a few years after I did and had a healthy baby girl. 3 years after that she gave birth again, this time to twins. Within 3 years time she gained 3 children. Is she happy? Oh…um…..sure she is. Like a freaking EPT commercial. Except that I think if she woke up tomorrow and found herself holding a positive pregnancy test it would be followed by expletives and tears.

And that’s what I would like to see…….just once…….expletives and tears in just one of those pregnancy test commercials.

How great would that be? The scene opens up on a woman in a white tiled bathroom, staring down at a stick with a plus sign on it, and her only line is…..

……. “SON OF A BITCH!”